A Magic Number?

In science,

It's the temperature at which water boils, according to the Newton scale.

It's the atomic number number of arsenic.

it's the number of vertebrae in a normal human spine when the bones that form the coccyx are counted individually.

In Astronomy,

The lunal-solar cycle takes 33 years.

In religion,

It was Jesus' traditional age when he was crucified ad resurrected.

The Islamic prayer beads are generally arranged in sets of 3 of 33.

Hinduism and other Vedic religions have 33 deities.

3 is considered to be a powerful number, and even more so when it appears twice. The number 3 is related to talent, skills, expansion, and also self-expression.

I turned 33 this year.

And I went on a hike to Valchiavenna (Italy) with family and friends.

After our hike, we decided to stop at the bottom of the waterfall by the stream. The weather was super humid and muggy and we need to cool down. I walked to the middle of the stream and sat down on a rock, and there I stayed for what felt like... a long time.

I sat down and start reflecting on the past years. All the things I had done (and not done), the people I had met and left behind, or those that are still with me and have become part of my chosen family. The small and big achievements and victories. The setbacks. The many times I moved (house or country) and started from scratch.

I suddenly felt anxious. Anxious to the point of not being able to breathe.

Rather than peace, I felt pressure, tension, and nervousness. An emotional pain and tightness around my chest. After I reassured myself I was not having a heart attack, I sat down with those emotions and tried to understand why I felt that way.

I realised that there was a sense of... urgency. I suddenly felt urgency.

Urgency in being better to and with myself. To acknowledge (more) the things I had achieved and continue to achieve, rather than the negative self-talk that I (still) give myself more often than I would like. Eating better. Trying to move more. Exercise more. Set more boundaries and let down my guard with those who love me. Reconnecting with myself and those with whom I haven't had contact in many years (provided that these are people I do want in my life). Actually giving things a go. Forming and developing better habits that fit my mood and lifestyle (not everyday is the same and you may need different things at different times).

This was a completely new feeling. I have never felt this before.

Was it related to turning 33? Not per se.

Was it that I had time to sit down and think? I don't think so.

But it happened. An I am glad it did.

This has been a unreal and challenging year. But for me, more than challenging, it has been revealing. I have grown more as an individual, as a partner, and as a friend.

As human beings, we are always works in progress and I don't think that there's a finishing line. Because if there is and you've reached it, then what will you be doing with the rest of your life?

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